Letting Go of Mom Guilt
Mama, Mom Guilt Can Eat You Alive! It's that nagging voice in the back of your mind telling you that you are not doing enough, not present enough, not enough in general, not working enough, and not being there for everybody in your family or friendships. The truth is you are enough! You are doing enough! You are exactly who you're supposed to be right at this moment. You don't have to be a perfect mom. If you're ready to release the guilt and embrace a more joyful, realistic version of motherhood, there are three simple but powerful steps to help with this mindset shift. You don't need the guilt in motherhood. It doesn't deserve to be in your motherhood journey.
CHALLENGE YOUR GUILT
Before you let guilt consume you, pause and ask yourself if this guilt is built on the pressures of others or based on a genuine concern. Is it coming from an unrealistic expectation? Am I holding myself to a standard that no one can meet? Would I expect this from another mother or keep them to the standard I hold myself? Would I judge another woman for doing the same thing I usually feel guilty about? Guilt comes from peer pressure that is all around us in the media, from our families, and our friends. Society brings all sorts of pressures to your life: social media, family, expectations, and outdated parenting ideas.
Recognizing this can help you let go of unnecessary guilt and focus on what really matters. When my daughter was about 6 or 7 months old, I realized I was consumed with how everybody thought I should be a mom. I felt that I was not (doing enough healthy eating for the family) or I was not getting enough breast milk for the baby. Really, I felt that I wasn't doing enough or doing too little for everyone else. It was making me sadly depressed, and it was making those around me miserable. I realized this was happening and knew this wasn't how I wanted my motherhood journey to unfold. Your motherhood journey is unique to you and only you; you only have one motherhood journey. Whether it's with your first child or with your last child, you're still only having one motherhood journey. Words that can describe your motherhood can be scary, daunting, enjoyable, and wonderful.
The mom guilt takes that and steals the joy from your motherhood. Don't let it! Redefine what a good mom means to you. Instead of trying to be the perfect mom, find your own version of a great mom. What truly matters is what you do for your kids. They will remember a happy mom from whom they feel love. What does that mom look like for you? What do you want your kids to remember? Is it homemade meals every night or a mama who laughed and played with them? What moms do you admire? And what do you like about them that you want in your motherhood journey with your children and family? Give yourself permission to do what works for your family, even if it looks different from others. Let go of the guilt around things that don't align with your values. Being a good mom doesn't mean being a flawless mom. You can have flaws and still be a great mom (trust me, I'm flawed). Redefining your expectations and finding peace is a more flexible approach. It allows you to create your own version of happiness and your motherhood and your personal self outside of motherhood. With all the relationships outside your motherhood and motherhood journey, like with your spouse or your children, being at peace with who you are and your choices will make for a more guilt-free motherhood journey.
Letting go of guilt can happen when you practice self-compassion and celebrate the wins you have in your motherhood journey. Would you ever tell a fellow mom she's failing? Absolutely not! There's no way I am going to sit here and say you were doing something wrong when I do not walk in your shoes. I don't know what is happening at your house, so there is no way I would put my opinion in. So, don't talk to yourself that way either; instead, practice self-compassion by giving yourself grace on tough days. You're going to have to let go of mistakes instead of dwelling on them. Focus on what you are doing well, and notice when your children are smiling and laughing with you. Are you doing well when everybody is happy and healthy? What are you doing well? Motherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Instead of only seeing where you fell short, take a moment to celebrate the small wins, whether getting through a tantrum with patience or simply making it through the day. Cuz, Mama, not every day is going to be the same.
My favorite small wins are when little Miss has a tantrum, and I am calm and guide her with the right tools to get through it. I know that I am thriving when I do that, and she is thriving in her childhood, too. Mom guilt will always try to creep in, but you don't have to let it stay. By questioning the guilt, redefining motherhood, and treating yourself with kindness, you can embrace a version of motherhood that feels right to you. Your unique motherhood journey is enough. Mama, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Motherhood is hard; honestly, it is the most challenging job out there. You are responsible for a little human to become a great big human. Being mama, you got this, and you are enough!
What's one piece of mom guilt you're working on letting go of? Let's chat in the comments below!
